dahil hindi ako makatulog

alas 2:37 na nang umaga at hindi pa rin ako makatulog. marahil panay ang pag-iisip ko sa mga nangyayari sa aking "lovelife". sa totoo lang, simula nang nagkaroon ako ng bagong crush na itatago ko sa pangalang tamiya, akala ko ako ay nakamove-on na talaga kay summer pleasures. nagcoffee muli sa napakatagal ng panahon, nasabi ko rin sa kanya ang lahat2x. akala ko ok lang yun dahil may boyfriend na siya ngayon at ako ay may bagong crush. ngunit matapos iyon, para bang bumabalik ako sa dating pangunuglila at pambayung sa kanya. kahit pa sabihin man natin na ako'y nasasabik makita si tamiya, si summer pleasures pa rin ang hinahanap ko. ayaw ko nang maging martyr. di tulad ng dati na may konting saysay pa ang aking pagkunyami sa kanya, ngayon iba na. may boyfriend na siya. hanggang kailan ba ako magiging ganito kay marupok pagdating sa kanya? gusto ko ring lumigaya kahit di man siya ang kasama ko. sana dadating na rin ang taong mamahalin din ako.

cerveza negra

matapos ang di makakalimutang rebelasyon ko sa aking nararamdam kay summerpleasures, naging erratic na ang takbo ng buhay ko. feeling ko nabunotan ako ng tinik at naging tunay na akong paru- parong lumilipad sa bahaghari. tanggap ko na na wala kaming future as chorva pero nananatili pa rin akong umiibig sa kanya. sabi ng aking mga kaibigan ako raw ay humanap ng iba dahil marami pa raw'ng isda sa dagat. nagtry ako pero sa tuwing mayroon na akong nakaka-meow2x, nagigi-guilty ako sa sirili ko, sa taong ka- char at kay summerpleasures. feeling ko rebound ko lang sila kay summerpleasures. sa totoo lang, di ko siya kayang makalimutan dahil kahit saan ako lumingin, andyan siya. ang lahat ng kaibigan ko kay kaibigan niya. hirap na hirap na akong magmove- on. naaawa na ako sa sarili ko. awang-awa na ako. sinisisi kung bakit sa isang straight pa ako umibig. pinilit kong magbago para sa aking sarili, pero ngayon sa di mapasubaling paraan, ako'y bumabalik sa dati kong sarili. dependent sa alak at yosi. hirap na ako. tanga na kung tanga pero di ko na kaya. feeling ko akala niya wala lang ang lahat at ang pagkwento sa akin tungkol sa kanyang boyfriend ay nakatutulong sa akin. pero mali siya. mas naging mahirap ang lahat sa akin. hahay. alam ko na ang entry na ito ay napakasabog. walang logical flow kung baga. marahil dahil din ito sa di mapaliwanag kong nararamdaman ngayon. sabog at mabigat tulad ng cerveza negrang iniinum ko ngayon.

Fatal Mistake

it was a fatal mistake
to be with you
it was a fatal mistake
to tell me about you
it was a fatal mistake
to fall in you

it was a fatal mistake
to introduce you to my friends
to have coffee with you
to reply to your texts
to think about you

but it was never a fatal mistake
to know you
because you unleashed my darkest secret
but i shall fly to the rainbows
with my widespread wings

SAME-SEX "MARRIAGE" (Man + woman is God's design for marriage.)

i read this post from my friendster bulletin. i am really ambivalent about this. please do leave your insights about this so that i too can digest it better. hehe.. thanks!

Those who strive to live by biblical

standards of sexual behavior and

marriage are sometimes accused of being

intolerant "homophobes." This accusation

implies that people who seek to retain

biblical moral standards in society have

a paranoid fear of those who practice

and encourage homosexual behavior.

For the majority of those biblical faith

the accusation is false. The "fear," if

such even exists, is not fear of

homosexuality but fear for the

homosexually active person--and for our

society if same-sex unions are

officially sanctioned as "marriage."

It might be argued that homosexuals in a

monogamous relationship should be

commended for their desire to have only

one sex partner. Fidelity is preferable

to promiscuity. But such a commitment

can never be "marriage." From Scripture

we know marriage is the model for the

physical union of male and female as the

key institution that protects the

perpetuation of mankind. In fact, it's

the source of continued life and health

for the human race.

Many of the words used for centuries to

define marriage include the Greek root

gam (as in monogamy, bigamy, etc.). It's

the same root used in the scientific

term "gamete"--the male sperm and female

egg that unite to form a new person

"made in the image of God."

Homosexual unions cannot survive beyond

one generation. Because homosexual

partners cannot have children and cannot

take the ultimate responsibility for the

future of human life through the act of

procreation, their union is forever

self-centered and short-circuited.

Those who follow the mandates of God's

Word are required to love people

involved in homosexuality. But biblical

love is a tough love that doesn't

hesitate to pray for and desire the end

of behavior that threatens the integrity

of the human life God created.

Jesus is our model: He didn't condemn

the woman taken in adultery, but He did

tell her to "leave her life of sin"

(John 8:11). Is it wrong for us to

desire the same of those who engage in

homosexuality?

.

MAN + WOMAN IS GOD'S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE.

.

READ GENESIS 2:21-25

.

So the Lord God made him fall into a

deep sleep, and he took out one of the

man's ribs. Then after closing the man's

side, the Lord made a woman out of the rib.

The Lord God brought her to the man, and

the man exclaimed,

.

"Here is someone like me!

She is part of my body,

my own flesh and bones.

She came from me, a man.

So I will name her Woman!"

.

That's why a man will leave his own

father and mother. He marries a woman,

and the two of them become like one person.

Although the man and his wife were both

naked, they were not ashamed.

Genesis 2:21-25

.

BIBLICAL LOVE IS A TOUGH LOVE.

naughty hands

its stupefying how our hands do marvels

it touches mine and slowly

it feels yours

heat evokes yet your moisture lingers

sweetness it is

and in paradise i domain

so let me vent

i know that i'm a non-conformist but i'm still imprisoned by the prejudice of the society for people like us. people who are not what the society wants us to be, but we are the people we really didn't choose from the moment we realized we are not the conventional girls and boys. its really hard to pretend that i'm straight, especially when my heart screams i'm not. why is the society like this? why do you judge us like lepers, cuss us like pest or even abhor us? is it our fault if we are like this? come to think of it. we didn't hurt anybody. we didn't kill anybody or even abuse somebody, and yet we are doomed to be judged by hypocrites. its not like we choose to be like this. to feel like this. because if it was ours to make, our lives could be less complicated. (because of we are confined with the standards of the society). let us be what we are and never deprive this from us. a little respect and understanding might not be a great lost to you. but i assure you, the minimal plea of ours will make the world more colorful to be lived in.=D

and so it is...

mabuhay! ako ay taus- pusong humingi ng pag-unawa at respeto sa kung sino man ang bumisita sa aking site. hayaan niyo akong maglabas ng galit, hinaing, lungkot, tuwa at kung anu- ano pang pangyayari sa aking buhay dito. hindi ko hangad na makasakit ng kapwa. nawa'y ang lugar na ito ang magiging abenida na ako'y maging tunay na malaya- maging totoo sa aking sarili. gaya niyo, ako'y may damdamin din.:D